Confusion

2003-10-01T14:55:00.000-05:00

okay, so i thought I just posted something but I guess not....impressed by your word...WoW!!
Time sure does fly, but do things really change, I guess in their own little ways...as for dating...who does that? not me...well not officially at least...who understands this stuff anyway? Happy hunting!!

2003-08-12T23:42:00.000-05:00

yeah it has...huh? no dating... nothing much...here's to hoping that puerto rico will be a break away and a halcyon vacation. [how's that for a gre word?]

2003-07-01T14:13:00.000-05:00

it's been a while, no? dating....what's that? I dont know anymore....that's pretty sad....

2003-03-05T15:07:00.000-06:00

happy dating..always diffrent to start new things, huh?

i look forward to getting together manana...

2003-03-03T13:02:00.000-06:00

So alani actually went on a date...it went well, nice dinner, pretty good conversation, had fun bowling....hey why not?

2003-03-03T13:01:00.000-06:00

you know why...cause people dont think before they open their mouths...though i guess we're all guilty of this...sometimes our emotions get the best of us...

2003-01-07T14:15:00.000-06:00

Why is it that people can hurt us with words? Why are people so cruel at times? Don't people realize what they are saying first!!!!!!

2003-01-02T13:58:00.000-06:00

okay---when are you coming home???!!! i miss you crazy mujeres already...i hope you are having a GREAT time in NYC [which i am sure you are! [wink] ] pero also a safe time....take care of yourselves ladies! well i can't wait to hear the many stories and to share the bochinche from my side...see you soon....con carino...the one stuck in CHI

2002-12-16T11:33:00.000-06:00

rosa- you read my mind!! (<---the analyzing) oh no!! You know me to well....anyhow, disassociating and removing yourself form someone is definetly not a walk in the park...it sucks big time....just a word to the wise....but like you said it can be done....and steff, i think tito knows you "love" him (or is it an obsession?) but there's no need for wining and dining when he can have it all without actually having the commitment...NOT that i should talk because im in the same boat except love is not involved....you live and learn, right?

so this is what I realized, I want someone who knows who I am, who I was and who I want to be...that's not too much to ask....is it?

2002-12-13T22:41:00.000-06:00

i don't think it's anything about us having something wrong with us...odd imagine if anyone actually found this website---oh no! all the secrets would be out! pero bueno i'm happy you had a relaxing week alani--you deserve it! and steff--mujer, he is gorgeous in your eyes...isn't the saying that love is bling? i agree. sometimes in our eyes the people we love and care for are the greatest. and acknowledging our feeelings without belittling them is the best solution white attempting to get out of unhealthy relationships...yes, alani i'm analizing...even though the same applies for them. pero slowly and surely i'm began to remove and disassociate any non-platonic feelings--hard job but something that can be done. sometimes life is rough..but sometimes life also can be a source of laughter...yup, it can.

2002-12-09T15:54:00.000-06:00

alani you so funny. "trying to relax and breath" part funny HA HA!!
So, why can't I stop thinking about Tito. Hello, I live with the guy. I should be sick of him. But nope I am not at all. In fact I can't get enough of him. When I am not with him I dream about him. Hello, what is wrong with me. Sometimes I can't wait to get home just to see him. I know he isn't all that but I swear in my eyes he is truely the most sexist man I know!!! But yet I will never admitt my true feelings for him. I refuse to. But come on now he can totally tell, Can't he???? Hello, I get jealous all the time for nothing. Just like this saturday. I know he know that much. I think I need help!!!!!!!

2002-12-09T11:17:00.000-06:00

Relax? that is just what i did, for a WHOLE week in the middle of the ocean with some stops in between....
what a life, no?
anyhow, like I predicted the week was tough but i got through it....
see what a little faith can do....

trying to relax and just breath....

2002-11-26T12:58:00.000-06:00

ALANI RELAX AND JUST BREATH......... GIRL DON'T WORRY SO MUCH EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT THE WAY IT IS SUSPOSE TO. I PROMISE. JUST REMEMBER EVERYTHING HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON. YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW THE REASON RIGHT AWAY BUT IN TIME YOU WILL. JUST RELAX!!!!!!!

2002-11-25T14:38:00.000-06:00

so someone in our age range has finally found love, who better than your sister....
im so happy for it, she truly deserves it

it looks like the begining of a LONG week....
i know i will get through it but what i dont know
and what im stressing about, which i shouldnt be,
is the outcome, i should just let things be as they will be....

much easier said than done....

2002-11-17T13:41:00.000-06:00

OH MY GOD.....

MY SISTER IS ENGANGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bueno alani thanks so much for coming yesterday---

it means SOOOOOOOO much to me...

i hope you had a good time

and this time it is my turn to tell you:

gracias for listening to me!

well yeah--what's a gal to do now?

eat some good left-overs

[which by the way if you want any let me know]

and study and write for finals.

okay see you soon...

la llorona

;)

2002-11-11T15:59:00.000-06:00

what's next?

breathing...breathe...and in and out!

that's whats next.

again te lo digo alani:
gracias!

so very mucho...it was good to be able to
release en your home--as usual--
where you have welcomed me continuously.
i don't know how to every pay you back but
with a big ol': GRACIAS!

feelings not being mutual--
tell me about it! i agree!!!!

2002-11-09T13:53:00.000-06:00

when feelings are not mutual it really sucks....doesn't it?
13 weeks, eh? That's great, can't wait? What next? <--------- get prepared for this question!!!
can't wait till we're all in the same state again..........

2002-11-05T18:04:00.000-06:00

tired...too much to do...
but hey thirteen more weeks and then a get a ba--
si dios quiere...
i had a good time saturday alani...good taking naps at your house
soon....soon again, si?

i hope you all are well....

2002-10-31T16:02:00.000-06:00

what was it rosa? when it rains it pours?......
so I was offered and accepted a full time job at US Cellular, not real excited about it, but hey it's a job and beggars can't be choosers....
talking to edie and I was offered a full time job at DePaul....PERFECT....tuition, paid...Alani not in so much debt...pay....okay...new phone?....maybe i'll treat myself.....
so all is going well in my world, minus the part on men....but i'm celebrating the good and enjoying the moment.....

rosa, good blog today...lourdes intro...so interesting and thought provoking and insightful, my thumbs up, 4 *-*-*-*

2002-10-30T00:16:00.000-06:00

too much, alani...just too much
read my blog--
conversation discussing the future
makes me come back to what
i know well..
the writing of those that i admire greatly

read also
www.inthealong.blogspot.com
good writing...
pero read the commentary tambien...

exploring the world at twenty-something,
huh?

what are the results of such exploration?

let us not be like cristobal.

2002-10-28T11:48:00.000-06:00

marriage....is it just NOT scared anymore? I mean, really, what's the point of getting married if you're not going to be faithful...and no, this is not naivety it's not that we're young and expect the world to be good, it's just the way it should be.....right? This is what I think.......I dont know....long weekend..........

2002-10-24T13:58:00.000-05:00

sorority drama...over what? boys....
in other news.....
my friend seems happier then she's been in a while, i'm glad...although she is realizing many things about herself, she is just growing up and learning to accept things that have happened and that cannot be changed, aren't we all? It's nice to see such a metamorphis in the people around you who you love and care about....

with the sorority drama, thought from one of my school sisters.... you find someone who touches your heart, mind in a way that no-one has ever done before, and when that person exits your life your stuck looking for that touch again, until you find it....are you free?

2002-10-22T22:31:00.000-05:00

"...when i saw the break of day
i wished that i could fly away
instead of kneeling in the sand
catching teardrops in my hand..."
-norah jones

i smell like smoke
no, not grassy smoke
and, yes cigarette smoke
but also that smoke that permeates
your lungs
your clothes
your body
smoke that culminated from a late-night
[but not really late-night]
conversation over violence
in the homes that where we were supposed
to be loved and protected
and as the smoke regurgitates and expulses itself
from my body and clothes
so too I hope that my childhood memories
will forget themselves…
cuz it hurts too much to forget them myself

rosa yadira _____
22 de octubre 2002
10:24pm

these are my thoughts...

willpower quien sabe...sometimes lo quiero mandar todo a la chingada
who the hell has the right to tell me what to do and what not do
i mean...damn can we talk about autonomy?
pero tambien--realistically--we really do take people's opinion into consideration
even if we don't want to

la vida can sometimes be too much sometimes.

2002-10-20T13:16:00.000-05:00

good points, "vicky".............

so after this past weekend, which overall, was good, I've been thinking about the concept of willpower.........what is that? and why do we have to have it? I mean really, who are we proving a point to.......like, if i want to kiss someone, say, a total stranger, and I do, what's the big deal....it's not like i don't know what im doing or not in control of the situation........so tell me, what's willpower about? Denying yourself something? For what?

2002-10-16T19:15:00.000-05:00

Ditto, I must say, I think I am the most important person in my life, it was a hard decission between my mom and I. Well I don't mean to get preachy or anything of that sort. But this past weekend, from what I understood of the sermon, it was for us to be who we are, to take off that mask we tend to wear of hipocracy and be us and make us happy first. because if we don't look out for ourselves who will. Therefore we have to think about ourselves first, and try to help and make our sleves happy, before we attempt to help others.

I don't think it is selfish of us to think we are the most important people in our lives, it is just us smelling the cofee and understanding life and how it turns.

I think the best thing we could do is be our self, no matter what people think of us. And if they don't like it well too bad because that is who I am. Sorry I am not this perfect person you made me out to be.

Ladies you know what I was thinking the other day. That we are incredible woman, each in our own unique way. We are a guy/girls dream come true, and I just wanted to make sure we were all aware of that. We should not think what is wrong with us, because nothing is wrong with us we are who we are, instead we should think too bad for you if you are not going to give me the time of day, because you don't know what you are missing.

Guys I feel like I am in a revolution of my own. I am going crazy with all this culture shock. I think it is absolutly rediculouse it is that not only are Latinos in the US their own worst enemby, but Mexicans in México too. Everybody seems to be out on their own, making sure the other doesn't get ahead, or else they will pull them down, instead of helping them move on up. Team work seems to be an illusion here. Boy oh boy do I have a lot of work to do, to help my people out, even though I am seen as a foreigner trying to steel their jobs.

oh no.............

By the way, Happy Belated B-Day Rosita. You are a wonderful person, I am glad I got a chance to get to know you better. Wish you all the best.

2002-10-16T16:25:00.000-05:00

www.theoryndaflesh.blogspot.com

thoughts finally posted

2002-10-15T13:15:00.000-05:00

Life is definetly crazy, makes you wonder....well steff, I offered you my opinion but this is truly your own decision, it sucks to be an adult sometimes, and it sucks even more when you know information that you really dont want to know...so i'm glad you're both agreeing with me and see my point of view on the most important person in your life.... steff, I don't think you're naive, if you're naive then I am naive to the 100th power!! so i've posted the definition of naive both in terms of adjective usage and noun usage and synonyms..... according to the definition I think everyone is naive in a sense, no one knows everything, and also it's a part of being young and learning from experiences, you know what Im saying? so anyhow, sidenote: midterms suck!! I think i did okay, but i'll probably fail cause that's how it goes.......

naive
adj.
Lacking worldly experience and understanding, especially:
Simple and guileless; artless: a child with a naive charm.
Unsuspecting or credulous: “Students, often bright but naive, bet and lose substantial sums of money on sporting events” (Tim Layden).
Showing or characterized by a lack of sophistication and critical judgment: “this extravagance of metaphors, with its naive bombast” (H.L. Mencken).

Not previously subjected to experiments: testing naive mice.
Not having previously taken or received a particular drug: persons naive to marijuana.

n.
One who is artless, credulous, or uncritical.

Synonyms: naive, simple, ingenuous, unsophisticated, natural, unaffected, guileless, artless

2002-10-15T08:59:00.000-05:00

Well, ladies Life is a crazy thing! So, I found out the guy I like is Married. Oh No! Don't get me wrong I always knew that George and I would never be. But I always wanted to be his lover friend at least. But now that I know he is married. It changes things a little. But call me a bitch because I still want to be his lover friend. That has to be so horrible for me to say. But it is true. Isn't that just crazy. I need to put myself in his wife's shoes and see it's not right. But than I also see as it is just a fling. Something crazy I'm suppose to do when I am young. Right?????

Change subject, Rosa I hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday.
And I'm, going to have to agree with you both. I think I am the most important person in my life right now. No, we are not selfish, just smart woman. Woman are always labeled as putting the man first because supposely we are suppose to. Why? Did they (the men) really ever put us first. I don't think so. Every man I ever dated, I always tried to put them first, because that was what I was suppose to do, right? Wrong, never ever did one of the guys I dated ever put me or my feelings first. they only worried about themselves, not me. So, I will now do as what was done to me. I will no longer put anyone before I. (unless of coarse, mr pince charming comes along and shows me a new perpective)

I like Alani's thought of the day Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
Question: What makes us (or should I say me) so naive? Can someone explain to me the true meaning of naive. Can some one define that word "naive" for me Is that really me? If so, how can I change or should I even change to make myself not so naive?

2002-10-14T18:27:00.000-05:00

ay alani---U R TOOO CUTE!!!

[and they say you don't get emotional ;) ]

well thank you sooo much for your b-day wishes....your friendship is something that i can't imagine my life without...your listening ear and your welcoming house is such a blessing. at times i feel that the b-day wishes should be sent to my famila [family and friends] instead of to me--for having the patience to put of with me for the past years---that's no easy task, you know? well i really appriciate your friendship and am so glad that Spain broughts us together.

the most important person in my life:

hhhmmm....thoughts come and go pero i not that the one person i can always depend on--whether i want to or not--is myself.
and no alani i don't think this is a negative aspect. in fact i think its a very empowering thing to be able to have the autonomy to put ourselves at the center of our world and take care of ourselves before anyone else. how many people truly do this nowadays?

i think that this is the hardest part to contend with...that in the end we have to be comfortable with ourselves...y nadie mas.

off to another *inche meetin',
rosa
la cumpleanera

2002-10-14T17:26:00.000-05:00

i hear you steff...most important person? That's a hard one....the more I thought about it, the more selfish i started to become, because honestly right now the most important person in my life is me....although it sounds horrible, and self-centered and conceited and all the other "bad" adjectives, why should it bad? Why can't i be the most important person to myself?? If I don't care for me, and try to do things for my own personal being, who will? Your parents/family/friends can and do only soooooooo much, if you don't put yourself first, who will?

My mom says my father is the most important person in her life....que cute!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh, to be in love?!?!?! And 25 years later, that is an accomplishment.....my other friend says God, which i also find interesting a bit peculiar but whatever, to each their own.........

thought of the day....

why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

one last thing.........HAPPY #21 to my very good friend and former housemate, Rosa Yadira Ortiz, it has been wonderful getting to know you, learning from you and growing with you, and guess what? This is just the beginning!! Oh no!! What are we going to do? I love you!!!

2002-10-14T10:33:00.000-05:00

So, who is the most important person in your life? Funny, I don't know. I never thought about that before. I can't answer that at this moment. I need more time to think about that question. That is such a hard question!!!!!!!!!

2002-10-12T19:48:00.000-05:00

in case you're wondering about my night in I've decided to read....magazines, books etc... so I came across this book... The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, interesting stuff so I decided to post a question and see what you all think.... you know some food for thought.... here's a good one

#124 Who is the most important person in your life? What could you do to improve this relationship? Will you ever do it?

Let me know what you think...i'm thinking about it........

2002-10-12T16:26:00.000-05:00

steff says her and I are sorry a$$ people, can you believe it? well.......... im sure you can....isn't that sad?!?! oh no!! i think she's right!! she's going out to celebrate a birthday with a bunch of viejos....but at least she's going out....i'm staying in...with my 'rents....so sad, what's a girl to do?

2002-10-10T15:32:00.000-05:00

oh ladies....doesn't life just suck sometimes? and alani no i am not starting ANY relationship...i'm not dating anyone! i was pampered though last night by a great friend---such a good birthday dinner. and yes i have great friends---but still i want that special one person...you know?

pero i have to do some homework before i leave to...yeah--MIAMI!

well take care....

love,
rosa

2002-10-10T14:52:00.000-05:00

so, steff is lonely, margaritha is lonely, rosa is in the midst of starting a beautiful friendship/relationship.... and alani? she's here, listening, learning, and observing.... well at least margaritha and rosa are going on dates and steff knows who the love of her life is...although you can't have him steff at least you know love is alive -- although i know this is no consolation....and what do i have? a possibility-well not really - in miami - a nympho in Chicago, AND NO GAME!! what's a girl to do?
Well, okay, oct 19th is sweetest day....oh no!! Well at least rosa steff and I will be at a party AND margaritha is in mexico where its not celebrated, so why worry?? We'll be surrounded with people who love us, pretty corny, no?

2002-10-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

Let's see growing up. That is funny to me. I feel I had to grow up before I even wanted to. I have been grown up for a while now. and let me tell you it is not easy at all. No more depending on Mommy and Papi anymore. It is scary at times. Anyway, that's not my frustration. My frustration right now is being lonely. I love being alone. But I hate being lonely. I don't want a boyfriend. I been there, done that. It is not all that. What I am looking for is just a friend I guess with special privileges. I want someone to be there but not all the time. Just when I want. I know that is selfish to say. But that is how I feel right now. And I'm depressed. why is it when you like someone. that person just doesn't like you back. But yet we know this(that they don't want you) but yet i still want them and even more then before. what is up with that? Don't mind me guys. It's just I feel so lonely I just need some a attention from a male right now. That is what I'm missing. Whatever, I am just babbling away here
Anyway, bottom line is I need attention from someone I like and likes me back. Okay I know I'm still babbling over here. I need to get away.

2002-10-09T21:21:00.000-05:00

So many decisions to make, living on your own, finding the "right" person? and one has to have faith that this person is there, but who really knows? maybe we fantasize so much about this so called "perfect person" that when someone comes along who we can actually bring home to our parents all of a sudden this person is the "one?!" yeah right?!?! who really knows anymore? I think i need to work on finding me, the person I am, outside of the so called "nest" and then go from there...just thoughts.....

2002-10-09T20:22:00.000-05:00

We are becoming woman, all grown up, I always thought this day was so far away, yet it is here and we are living it. It is a huge step to move out. I sord of did it in a sly way. It was time for me to move on with my life for my own good, because I had been in too much with my familia, and I loved them too much, that if I continued to live under the same roof, I would literally had gone crazy. So I moved out, maybee not on my own, but to my uncle's house, therefore I am no longer in my own nest, but in somebody elses nest. Yet I am very far away. Gee moving out of my parents house wasnt enough I had to move to a diff country to start off fresh, and leave all the kaos behind.

2002-10-09T11:09:00.000-05:00

alani's online----
thoughts and frustrations....
yeah being an adult is a bitch....and we have to become adult unfortunately [and that has to deal with money tambien]

2002-10-09T11:01:00.000-05:00

i need to find my own place and get a job and become an adult.....